By Narayan Prasad Mishra
We know that all humans have the same nature in some ways, whether they are brown, black, or white or live on any continent. Similarly, they sleep, wake up, eat, cry, or weep. However, in some ways, human beings differ in their natures, behaviors, and dealings. While some are friendly and kind-hearted, others can be unfriendly, cruel, and selfish. We encounter this diversity in our family and society.
During a conversation with a friend about someone extremely self-centered regarding various aspects of life — eating, resting, working, sleeping, cooperating, etc — he suggested that the person might be a narcissist. Unfamiliar with the term, I sought more information. Using Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary, my friend explained that a narcissist is a highly self-centered individual with an exaggerated sense of self-importance, classified as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Anyone, regardless of gender or role, can exhibit narcissistic traits.
It is a mental health condition called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Anyone can be a narcissist – husband, wife, father, mother, son, daughter, boss, etc. with any relationship and position. It is said that when a person with a narcissistic nature becomes the head of a country as a president or prime minister, that would be a great disaster for the country. They are shape shifters and can present as a good person, though they are not. They can hide their real character with good superficial charm, hiding who they really are. They post fake high profiles of themselves and efficiently attract and use highly emphatic people. They need and seek significant attention and want people to admire them. They may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others.
Narcissists expect favorable treatment unreasonably and get angry when someone does not care to appease them. They always try to exploit others and deliberately take advantage of others for selfish reasons. The notable symptom of narcissists is that they lack empathy and most often enjoy saying things that might hurt others. They make even their family life horrific and miserable by doing this. They cannot see the feelings, needs, or desires of others. They never return the kindness others show. They prioritize their own enjoyment, whether it’s eating or resting, and do not care or show concern about their spouses, children, or friends. A narcissistic father or mother is a kind of disaster for their children. They do not genuinely love them.
They are envious, but they think that others are envious of them. They get irritated when they hear about others’ successes or achievements and enjoy diminishing their achievements. They show extreme anger when they feel criticized or rejected. They possess all the demonic nature of cruelty and powers and use them against their opponents to any extent without hesitation. The most dangerous thing about them is that they are ethically weak and can go against their opponents, crossing any norms of right and wrong to cause trouble and not caring about truth and untruth to revenge. They are the people of double standards and operate on double standards. They only see their rights and do not see others’ rights in the same sorts of cases and matters. At the same time, they can show crocodile tears and apologize to achieve their goal, keeping their sinful motive of revenge in mind. We know that normal people avoid fights and confrontations even when there is some issue, but narcissists hunt for fights and confrontations.
It is said that divorcing a narcissist is notoriously challenging, as they are not peace-loving and can be relentless troublemakers. Whatever the way one tries to end the unhealthy marriage peaceably, it is said that it will not be amicable with them. They feel they are great and deserve everything. They never care about fairness. Everything and anything is fair for them to give trouble to the opponent. They never see their mistakes; instead, they blame others for everything.
I was frightened when I came to know all about it. I did not know that the person I knew for a long time was a narcissist and was a dangerous person. I asked his family about this person’s conduct and behavior, telling them the above description. I was told that it was like a picture and was 100 percent true. They had a hard life, and they were in hell. This person did not have any love or affection towards his family and did not show sympathy or kindness towards others. He always wanted his own happiness and never showed concern for others’ problems. He was never cooperative at home. He had many mood changes in a day from the morning to the evening — sometimes happy, sometimes very sad, sometimes angry and arrogant, — and he became irritated and agitated. One could never predict how he would behave at any particular time — smile or fight. But he thought he was the perfect man in all aspects, making all other’s lives miserable. He always thought he was the victim and was not loved and cared for by all.
After knowing about it, I watched many varieties of YouTube presentations on the topic — 1 when narcissists lose control of you by Dr. Ramani; 2. How to divorce a narcissist by Dr. Ramani with Demetria Graves; 3. Nine Ways Narcissists Punish You by Dr. Ramani; 4. Tactics a narcissist uses to break you by Surviving Narcissist; 5. When a narcissist loses you permanently, this is what they will do by Behind The Scene; 6. When a narcissist begins to realize and regret having lost control of you forever, this will happen by Narcissist Exposed, etc.
According to the expert, in divorce cases, when narcissists see the advantage of not being separated from you even after harming you with several sinful acts and threats, they apply many strategies to reconnect with you, making you feel that you are very special to them. But their primary aim is to mold you according to their desire or to harm you with their evil motive. Narcissists have no difficulty shedding crocodile tears to win your heart. They are big liars. They can easily say they have not done or spoken what has been recorded in the messages. At the same time, their conduct and behavior are unstable and out of imagination, which one cannot understand. One day, they abuse you, harm you, and threaten you with no known bounds, considering you their prime enemy, and the next day, they can show you love, trust, and kindness with beautiful, loving messages and letters presenting you like the most loved one in their life. It seems like an unbelievable madness. It is said that narcissisti’s relationship is primarily connected with money and transactions. Their love disappears when the money matters. They try to grab the maximum amount by any means — hooked or crooked, right or wrong. When you know more about it, you find that this is a terrifying disease unknown to most of us. The following comments seen in one of the comments made by a narcissistic victim on YouTube show how dreadful the disease is.
I do not know how much we have a Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NAP) problem in Nepal, as I had not heard about it before. First time I heard about it in the USA. But when I evaluate our politicians who have become prime ministers and ministers, I am bound to see narcissistic characteristics in most of them. Most of them are self-centered. From this point, I also assume that the narcissistic problem is common in Nepal. Though it is terrifying, I am glad to know about it and to let people know what I learned. I also think it is worth knowing for all to be cautious in dealing with narcissists.
Besides, I also want to write about nut allergies, which can be life-threatening, a fact I became aware of through my granddaughter’s allergy. I was not aware of it. I did not believe it when I was told about it.
We know most of us eat peanuts in Nepal even though we do not often eat cashew nuts, almonds, walnuts, etc. It is readily available, grown everywhere in our country, and is a familiar people’s snack. I have a granddaughter who has a nut allergy. Dr. Pragya Mishra, my daughter, an internist in the USA, told me about it and warned me to be very careful about nuts for my granddaughter and not to touch any of her food with nuts. If any nut goes into her food, it would be poisonous and take her life. When we go to a restaurant with my granddaughter for lunch or dinner, we always ask the attendant about the food that is not supposed to be eaten by an allergic person. They immediately check about it and tell her which item is suitable or unsuitable. It seems people in the USA and European countries are fully aware of it. When we were in Italy in July 2023, the restaurant attendant fully understood that problem as soon as we enquired about the food not eaten by someone with a nut allergy. The food was well taken care of for her. I know most of our people in Nepal are unaware of it and hardly believe when we tell them because we are not educated that way and have had no lesson. We must make people aware of it. We should get the people checked and tested for nut allergy if anyone gets sick after taking nuts. That is a severe disease that can be taken care of easily. People can die because of ignorance.
I am sure many other simple ignorances like narcissistic nature or nut allergy might cause life and living. Being informed about issues like narcissism and allergies is valuable. Knowledgeable individuals can contribute significantly by educating others through various means — speaking, writing, broadcasting, and ensuring the well-being of society. I think – Educating the people is a valuable service to the nation.
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