By Narayan Prasad Mishra Continued from the previous week                       We spent our love life keeping secrete many years like this facing the problems and difficulties. But it was not easy for us to act like actors in a movie for so many years. We had to do it, and we did it. When we thought and found that our family was happy with us for the love and service we were doing for them and the time was ripe for expressing our wish, we told them about our love and marriage. Though it was somewhat surprising for them and took some time to take the matter easy, it went well, and we got married on May 8, 1970. Shanti Shrestha used Mishra surname from then. Our love and marriage life was conceived, developed, and born in Tribhuvan University Central Library, Lal Durbar, Tripureshwor, and Kirtipur while serving that institution with our blood and flesh. That was like the love and marriage of a couple who was an actor and actress of movies who worked and played together and fell in love in real life. I was in Nepal from Delhi from April 30, 1966, to July 13, 1967, for my summer vacation. I went to the Library and worked there, not enjoying my vacation without any remuneration. I voluntarily worked with joy and enthusiasm because I was with my girlfriend for the work we wanted to do. So our life would not be separated from that learning resource center, the Library, our Library even after our death. The story of this love life will always be living with the story and history of that Library. The development of that Library and our love and life story are correlated, interlinked, interdependent, and of course, inseparable if one would like to write the true history of that Library. That is a fact and truth whether someone likes it or not. We had blessings from our parents and the University's top officials, including vice-chancellor Sardar Rudra Raj Pandey. I am always proud of my beloved wife's love for me. I had an unparalleled passion and support from her what one could expect from an ideal wife. I was her life. She hardly cared anything except my happiness. I felt that no one could ever have so much love, support, and trust from a wife. I am also proud of my love for her which she always thought no one could ever have enjoyed so much love and support that she had from me. I am glad to keep her happy with the same joy and happiness until her last breath. She was my life and breath. That is why I have been living almost without life after she left me alone. I miss her terribly. I have no words to express my grief and pain. I always feel half of me has died with her demise. The saddest part of my life is that I am living and need to live without her alone. I very often think even the creator could hardly think how difficult and painful it is for me. I often feel our house and compound with the name of Shanti Ashram, Narayan Mandir, the trees and plants in the garden, the decorated artefacts, the pictures and pieces of furniture, her dresses and jewellery, the pots and pans, all musical equipment, all collected books and the written books by her are making fun of me. All are on the same spot. Still, the owner, the collector, disappeared from the scene. I, the unfortunate one, am watching all that mystery with pain and suffering. I need to solace that is our life, human life. That is our destiny. Now I do not have any desire, any want in my mind. I want to forget everything. But I need to involve in many household works by compulsion without my wish and desire, which provides me more pain. I realize now how much Lord Buddha was right when he preached, "Try to live as simple as you can. Do not collect more than you need. Too much collection is the cause of your woe. Too much attachment is the cause of your sorrow". I think the woe and sorrow will not leave me until I close my eyes.

Late Shanti Mishra and Narayan Prasad Mishra

No doubt our society has been changed a lot after 1970, which was 51 years ago. We have lots of intercaste love marriages now. But we still have a caste system. Most of the people still prefer arranged marriage within their caste and tribe. That way, people think it is easy to maintain their own customs and traditions dealing between bride and bridegroom family. They like to select the bride and bridegroom based on family background, status, and occupation, which could be surprising for Americans and Europeans. Concluded narayanshanti70@gmail.com